Operation: Cross Dresser
by Merciless Angels Never Cry
Summary: Don Corneo is back and both Tifa and Yuffie want to know why. However they cannot risk getting spotted by him, so they force a certain unwilling ex-Turk to investigate...
1. The Plan

**Author's Note: **Yup, I'm going there. XD As much and all as I ADORE Vincent, this opportunity was just too good to miss! And with that, shall we…?:D

* * *

It was just the normal day in Seventh Heaven, Denzel and Marlene were upstairs playing while Tifa served her usual punters. The sounds of glasses clinking and endless chatter pleasantly filled her ears as she cleaned the surface of the counter with a white cloth. It was a nice summer afternoon; hot but not completely unbearable, Tifa was just thankful that she got the air-conditioning re-serviced before summer really came into full swing.

Cloud would be home soon; it was near the end of his rounds of delivering packages here and there.

Tifa stopped cleaning when she heard footsteps coming from the back. She turned her head around the door frame to see Yuffie wearing an oversized coat, trying to sneak up the stairs. Tifa arched an eyebrow, puzzled.

"Yuffie, what are you doing?" she inquired, watching as Yuffie nearly jumped out of that ridiculous coat.

"I, um…" Yuffie stammered as she scratched the back of her head. "I just wanted to check something upstairs. Nothing important!"

Tifa sighed knowing that she was most likely up to no good but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Alright Yuffie but if I find out that you've done something…" Tifa warned.

"I know, I know! You'll go all kung-fu on my ass if I do."

Tifa smiled in response heading back to work. One of her regulars, Johnny, was sitting at the bar finishing his glass. "Another one…?" Tifa offered warmly.

Johnny nodded and as Tifa started to pull up another pint he spoke casually. "Hey Tifa, have you heard the news?" he asked. "You won't believe this…guess who's back here in Midgar? Don Corneo."

Tifa stopped dead and turned around to face him. "Don Corneo?" she gasped, staring at him incredulously. _I thought Reno took care of him back in Wutai_, she thought to herself.

Johnny took a quick sip from his drink before continuing. "Yup, apparently he was seriously injured by some accident and now he's back re-opening the Honeybee Inn."

That explains it...

A loud clatter came from the back of the room and Tifa quickly ran to the direction of the noise. She wasn't exactly surprised to see Yuffie, her arms stuck out and completely immobilized as she struggled to come down the stairs by the large weight she mysteriously gained. Several materia dropped and rolled their way to Tifa's feet as she placed her hands on her hips. "Yuffie…" Tifa said, her voice firm and full of authority.

"I didn't do anything!" the young ninja exclaimed as a few more materia continued to drop on the floor from underneath her coat. "The Single White Rose of Wutai would never steal material from friends!" Tifa gave her that don't-lie-to-me look. "…Okay!" Yuffie hung her head defeated. "But I prefer to call it borrowing without asking."

"And having no intention to give them back," Tifa stated, crossing her arms. "Put Cloud's materia back where they belong and meet me in the office in ten minutes; we need to discuss something."

* * *

Tifa closed down the bar early and asked one of the barmaids to collect Marlene and Denzel from school. She was sorting out some paperwork when Yuffie entered the room throwing her coat onto the couch. Tifa looked up from the desk and asked her to sit down.

"Whaddya wanna talk about Teef," Yuffie asked, pulling up a chair and plopping down on it.

Tifa's eyebrows furrowed lightly as she put away the sheets and looked at Yuffie, her large brown eyes bearing that same intensity when she was discussing something serious. "Don Corneo is back in Sector 6," Tifa said, her voice firm and straight to the point.

"W-what?" Yuffie almost squeaked in shock. "I thought he was done for back in Wutai. Didn't Reno finish him off?"

"I thought so too," Tifa shook her head sadly. "But he survived…somehow. From what I hear he's re-opening the brothel."

"Pervert!" Yuffie snorted. "I say we break in and kick his ass!" She quickly stood up and started punching the air over-enthusiastically.

"No," Tifa disagreed as Yuffie stopped and gave her a quizzical tilt of the head. "It'll cause too much commotion if we just go barging in and demanding answers."

"So? We'll just sneak in and see what he's up to," Yuffie shrugged.

"But he'll recognise us," Tifa reasoned. "We need someone to go in for us. But the question is: who…?"

They couldn't ask one of the barmaids to go in; they needed someone who could take care of themselves if they ended up in a bind. Shelke was out of the question; even though she was technically nineteen, she had the body of a ten year old and even the Don had age limitations. So that left the rest of the group. Red XIII and Cait Sith were also out of the question; Red for obvious reasons and Cait was busy working with the WRO.

Now that left the four guys…

It was a no brainer that Cloud would just downright refuse, especially after that little episode three and a half years ago. Barret wouldn't last two seconds without getting noticed in there, Cid was in the same boat; Tifa doubted that they would get away with what she had in mind. So that only left one person…

* * *

The sound of metal clinking against the pavement could be heard in the streets. People looked in horror as the black and red clad man walked past them, the lower half of his face covered by the neck of his heavy mantle; ignoring the whispers and odd stares from the corner of his eye.

As Vincent was walking, he heard that familiar beeping sound coming from his phone. Flipping it open and pressing it against his ear. "Vincent?" the voice was female, light and cheerful.

"Tifa?" Vincent questioned as he continued to walk.

"Hi there! Are you doing anything at the moment…?"

"No," Vincent answered.

"Good, could you come over here for a while; I have a favour to ask…"

"Alright," he sighed before ending the call and closing the phone causing it to let out a loud snap.

It didn't take that long for him to reach Seventh Heaven, but he was slightly surprised to find the sign outside the door saying "closed". He entered the bar and the noise his boots were making must've reached Tifa's ears as she called him to head on upstairs.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Tifa gave him another call that signalled him to enter the room at the end of the hall. He turned the brass doorknob and let the varnished oak door creek open, revealing both Tifa and Yuffie sitting on a bed. The room was well kept and had little decorations, just simply a desk with a few scattered bits and bobs on it along with a large mirror and a large wardrobe in the corner of the room. There were drawings of Tifa, Cloud, Marlene and Denzel on the walls; all done by Marlene of course. A small lamp stood on top of the small bedside table. The bed sheets were a plain khaki colour and crinkled up slightly underneath the weight of the two girls.

Vincent closed the door behind him and stood there, waiting for one of them to speak up. Yuffie was biting her lower lip; the tip of her right foot was twisting left and right. Tifa was silent as well and Vincent couldn't figure out why. For as long as he had known them both, he had always been aware of when they were nervous. He would always stand at the back and begin to observe and analyse their small quirks and mannerisms. Yuffie would either do what she was doing right now, stammer in her speech or scuff her feet on the floor and look down. Tifa was different; she would pause before speaking, her eyebrows knitting together as she struggled to think of what to say next. But Vincent had taken particular notice over the years and not many people noticed it, was the fact that when she was really nervous she would either fiddle with her thumbs or play with the rest of her fingers; which was what she was doing right now.

"Will someone tell me what is going on?" Vincent said, his tone low and abrupt.

"Um," Tifa hesitated for a moment, her fingers lacing and unlacing between each other, twisting and turning as she tried to lay out in her head on how she was going to explain this to him.

Vincent groaned, his patience becoming paper thin. "I'm wasting my time here," he growled as he placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Wait!"

Swinging his head around to meet Tifa's gaze she continued. "We need your help," she began. "Don Corneo is back in Sector 6-"

"-You know: the old perv we were telling you about a few years ago," Yuffie interrupted.

"Was that really necessary?"

"Sorry Teef!"

"My apologies Vincent," she pardoned, smiling up at him. "We need someone to go undercover and sneak into the Honeybee Inn."

Vincent's body shifted uncomfortably. "Undercover?" he asked, arching a thin eyebrow that was mostly covered by his bandages.

"Yes," Tifa nodded. "But…listen, before we say anything; we wouldn't be asking you if it wasn't serious so..." She cleared her throat before explaining further. "Seeing that he'll only see girls...we were thinking that you could maybe dress up as one…?"

He just blinked and stared at them. Did really hear what Tifa had just said to him? Or was his age finally coming up and kicking him in the groin after all those years? Surely not, Tifa wouldn't ask something like that of him…yet here she was pleading to him.

The silence hung heavily in the room, the tension mounting up. It wasn't until a low, deep and bewildered voice shattered the room. "What?"

"Don't be alarmed," Tifa tried to sound as calm as possible.

"Well just a little," Yuffie shrugged, giving out a small yelp when Tifa gave her a sharp dig in the ribs with her elbow to signal her to pipe down.

"Don't be alarmed?" Vincent growled. "Do you have any idea what you are asking of me?"

"We know Vincent! But please understand!" Tifa pleaded.

"Besides we helped you beat Omega!" Yuffie shot back.

Tifa turned to look at the young ninja. "Actually Yuffie…Vincent destroyed Omega on his own…"

"But-"

"Enough!"

The two paused and looked at Vincent, a scowl plastered on his pale face. "The answer is no."

As he turned to leave the room, Tifa and Yuffie stood up. "Vincent!" Tifa begged.

"I got him!" Yuffie grinned mischievously, reaching into her pouch and grabbing hold of one of her precious materia and casting a strong spell on him.

Vincent tried to get away once he saw the flash of light but he felt the effects kick in almost immediately; his eyelids hung heavily and his legs struggled to support his weight. His gauntlet scraped the wall, the wallpaper tearing from the sharp points as his knees buckled. He collapsed and cursed under his breath. "A Sleep Materia…?" he muttered, his head lying on the hard surface of the floor.

As he slowly drifted off, he could barely see through his eyelashes Tifa kneeling beside him and he could vaguely make out their frantic voices.

Within that second, he was gone and left to the mercy of these two…

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading and I hope ye enjoyed it. Please review and hopefully I'll update soon.


	2. The Joys of Dress Shopping

**Author's Note: **I'm back! I'd like to give a massive thanks to those who reviewed, they keep me motivated. So without further ado, shall we get going?

* * *

Vincent slowly opened his eyes, groaning as lay sprawled on the floor. He grunted when the floor suddenly gave him a jolt and the back of his head hopped off of the hard metal. As Vincent groggily looked around, he took the time to observe his surroundings. Blinding artificial light reflected off the metallic walls and he could see bags on one of the seats. It didn't take him long to realize that he was at the back of some truck. From the other side of the wall at the end he could hear voices. Crawling over and pressing an ear to the cold surface, he listened intently to the conversation.

* * *

Tifa focused on the road, her hands sweaty in the leather wheel, her thumb tapping rapidly as Yuffie's face glowed from the light coming off of her phone. Tifa was somewhat glad to hear the high-pitched beep give her ears a small break from the continuous rhythmic sounds of the engine rattling; something she ought to mention to Barrett sometime soon.

Click.

Tifa turned her head slightly to Yuffie's direction, her eyes always concentrating on the road. "Was that him?" Tifa asked, turning the wheel a small bit to dodge a fallen scaffold that was now thick with rust.

Yuffie snapped the phone shut and slipped it into her pocket, shifting in her seat. "Yeah, he said he'd do it," Yuffie sighed.

"Did you get us a discount?" Tifa asked, shifting gears.

"Yup, twenty percent off," Yuffie nodded, tightening her bandana. She glanced back over her shoulder when a loud thump came from the back. "Hey watch those pot-holes Teef!"

Tifa frowned, easing her foot off of the accelerator. "I'm trying my best," she reasoned calmly, listening to the shuffling get closer and closer then suddenly stopping as they fell silent.

Glancing at the various worn-down buildings from either side of the narrow street and trying not to bump into any pedestrians, Tifa slowly pulled in near to their next location. "We're here," Tifa said curtly as she unbuckled her seat belt and popped the door open with a creak. Yuffie followed suite, breathing out a "finally" and hopping out.

Vincent stood up straight, eyeing the back doors wearily while his hand hovered over one of his pouches, reaching in to grab a Fire material. His fingers fumbled inside the small empty space. His thin lips pulled back into a grimace as Tifa opened the door. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked his tone cold and abrupt.

Tifa inhaled deeply, "You already know why…"

"That's not what I meant," Vincent growled.

People walked around the truck, some looking at the two girls standing nervously under the icy glare of the caped man. Tifa had enough; placing her hands on her hips and with a steely voice she said, "Vincent!" He tilted his head up slightly, his eyes intently focused on her as she continued. "This man is sick! He uses girls for his own selfish needs, tricking them and then using them as nothing but sex slaves. Are you just going to let him do that just so it won't bruise your manly ego?"

Yuffie mentally punching the air and patting the older woman on the back for bringing up the guilt-trip card. Vincent's jaw locked in place as Yuffie half-skipped towards him, her hands on her hips as her back arched to look up at him. A broad, wild smile was plastered on her face as she nudged and winked at him. "Don't worry Vince!" she laughed as he glowered at her. "We'll take care of you!"

* * *

The red and black cladded man towered over the girls as they led him through the derelict houses and shops of the Slums. Observing the old flickering neon lights and the loud merchants as they kept demanding full price for hagglers, Vincent wondered how people could live their whole lives, working with the choking fumes from underneath the plate. He much preferred the fresh air on top of the plate. Well. He _used _to likethe fresh air above the plate. Back in the days of when he was a Turk, the pollution wasn't dense as it was today; even if it was a couple of years after Shin-Ra fell. He snapped out of his thoughts as Tifa opened the large, rusted metallic door and entered.

The aromas of several mixtures of strong perfumes were just a tad bit over-powering for Vincent's liking as he stood by a clothes rack. The shop was large enough, holding several feminine clothes, accessories, glass bottles containing different fragrances and shoes. As his eyes roamed around the shop, he couldn't help but notice an entire section with noticeably broader dresses…

"Excuse me, we rang in here a few minutes ago about a certain favour….?" Tifa whispered to the old man behind the counter.

He looked at her with his huge thick glasses, his eyes magnified at a ridiculous amount. He glanced down at his dark marine blue book, well-worn at the corners of it and he flicked through a few pages, a long bony finger tracing the lines and words that were in them. He clicked his tongue as he tapped on the page. "Miss…Lockhart, is it…?" he asked, his voice raspy as he scratched the bald patch on the top of his head.

Tifa nodded, leaning in over the counter. "And the offer we agreed on…?"

"I suppose it'll do," he grumbled. "So where's the little lady?"

Vincent froze as Tifa led the old shopkeeper over to him. He looked up and down at the much taller man. "I don't usually get fellas that are like you," he mused aloud. "They're usually much more…flouncy."

"That's great!" Tifa clasped her hands together, pushing herself in between the two as Vincent glared down at the little man. "Can we try a few samples?"

Samples…? Try on…? Oh God no…

"Of course, right this way!"

He led them over to the section that Vincent had been eyeing at before. He stood there, his posture that of a statue as Tifa held a long shimmering pink dress against him. "No way!" Yuffie exclaimed. "Pink SOOOOO isn't Vincent's colour."

"Um…" Tifa flicked through a few more dresses and picked up a glittery baby blue one. "What about this one?"

"No!" both Vincent and Yuffie objected in union. Putting it away she brought out a dark, sleek purple dress. "That's much better," Yuffie giggled. "It suits his face better, but it still isn't right ya know?"

Holding up a soft, silk red dress Tifa says, "How about this…?"

"Perfect!" the shopkeeper jovially declared, picking up a slightly smaller size than the one that Tifa picked up. "Now go in and try it on. Oh, take these with you." Handing him the dress and a pair of black high-heeled shoes, the old man shoved him into an empty dressing stall and closed the curtains behind him.

Vincent stood there, dumbfounded as he clutched onto the rather expensive looking dress. Sighing and softly shaking his head he muttered, "This is ridiculous…" Taking off the heavy mantle and plopping it on the floor, he began to unbuckle the harnesses on his suit until he was rudely interrupted by an effeminate looking man. He was scantily clad, wearing a short, strappy green latex dress. He was wearing a blonde wig and wore heavy make-up. He was clutching onto his bizarrely shaped chest as he readjusted his fake breasts. He looked flushed as he turned around to face Vincent.

"Oh dear!" he squeaked, covering his red lips with his well-manicured fingers. "I'm so sorry; I didn't know someone was in here!" He paused for a moment. "I've never seen you here before. Are you new on this scene? I remember my first time too honey. Gawd, I was so worried. I thought my man wouldn't like the idea. How about you?" The strange man winked and nudged suggestively. "You doing this for your man…?"

"No!" Vincent almost choked, feeling increasingly more uncomfortable as this stranger looked at his smooth pale chest.

He flapped his hand effeminately in the air. "Pfft, no need to be shy and hide it. There's no shame in coming out of the closet darling!"

"I'm not-"

"I mean, it's even more difficult when you have a father who is so manly and so homophobic. I was so desperate to please his expectations of having a straight son, I was even about to sleep with this girl in my class." He shuddered. "Oh my GAWD! That night reminded me of why I hate vaginas. I mean they're so…flappy and gross and it's so easy to get lost in there! With men genitalia, what you see is what you get. Vaginas are just too disturbing for me-"

"LEAVE!" Vincent barked, pushing him out of the stall.

"How rude!" the man huffed as both Tifa and Yuffie stared at each other awkwardly, the two of them having heard the entire conversation.

"Are you okay Vincent…?" Tifa asked hesitantly behind the curtain after hearing several grunts from the other side. Having received no answer, she peeked in. "Ummm…that's supposed to be the other way up…"

Yuffie raised an eyebrow as Vincent mumbled a request for her to come in. After several readjustments, the dress was finally on.

"I feel emasculated…" Vincent growled as he stared at the wide space between his chest and the rest of the fabric.

"You need a bra…"

"I don't!" he protested, his lips pulling back in a snarl. "I won't do this!"

"Vincent it's needed for the disguise!" Tifa replied curtly.

"I'm afraid we don't sell brassieres," the old man informed them. Tifa pursed her lips as she pondered their options. Reaching behind and under her shirt she unclasped her bra and hooked her index finger underneath her sleeves and pulled out her straps before reaching underneath the front and removing the bra completely.

"You can use this." Vincent stared at the black laced clothing that was swinging from her finger.

"Where are we gonna get the boobs to fit into those?" Yuffie called out.

"I know a guy who sells them for fellas like him," the old man said. "Do they fit?"

"Perfectly," Tifa replied. "Including the shoes."

"How much…?" Yuffie folded her arms.

"Come over and I'll show you."

After getting changed and paying, the old shopkeeper stopped Vincent from walking out the door. "You know, I didn't do this kind of thing before," he told him. "That was until three years ago when a nice young girl wearing a pink dress begged me to make a dress for this spikey-haired fellow. It was such a challenge and rekindled my creative spark. I hope you get the look you want, young man. Er, woman. Oh whatever you want to call yourself."

Vincent gritted his teeth as he left. What did he mean by a "young girl wearing a pink dress" and a "spikey-haired" man…? _Surely not_, Vincent thought as he shook his head. _It must just be a coincidence_…

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading and please review. God it's so hard trying to keep everyone in character, I hope I did a good job. Until next time my lovely readers!


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